Four Simple Ways to Better Your Life & Relationships

Doing these simple things make all the difference in your relationships

I just read an old story that was published in the Saturday Evening Post in the 1950’s. The story was about a Chaplain Kapaun and his heroic efforts during the Korean War. As I finished the short story of about 2500 words, I burst into tears. This story touched my heart while making me see just how much one person can change the lives of so many. Chaplain Kapaun is just one of many who have made such a difference in the lives of others.

In today’s world, I feel like many of us are mostly self absorbed, keeping our noses in our phones all day never stopping to think about our life’s true purpose. Many think of one’s life purpose as some big lofty goal, but what if our purpose is simply to live the best we can day by day — to live with the intention of loving and serving others?

How can we help those around us live happier lives while at the same time placing healthy boundaries and taking care of ourselves as well?

After thinking about it, here are a few things we can add to our days to provide not only purpose to our lives, but also to give others a better day, and perhaps even a better life.

Smile— a simple smile goes a long way. It is like a little blessing we send out to each other every time we do it. Smile with no expectations. Most smiles are reciprocated, but many aren’t and that’s okay. We rarely know what is really going on in our friend’s lives, all the more the life of a stranger. So I’ve learned to not take it personally if the smile isn’t reciprocated, and besides, we don’t smile (hand out that blessing) to receive. It’s all about the giving. We just smile. We throw it out there knowing that it sometimes just takes a smile to change someone’s day. I even heard a story once that told of a person about to commit suicide. They made one stop after work to take care of some final business, and had planned to go home to end their life when someone looked them in the eye and smiled. It healed something in them, and they ended up choosing life instead of death! Talk about life purpose! And all because of a simple smile.

Listen — there’s a saying that says we have two ears but only one mouth so we should listen twice as much as we speak. Corny? Maybe, but there is truth in it. These days especially, when our biases are constantly fed by the algorithms of social media, we aren’t listening to each other — and heaven forbid if someone has a different opinion on something. Much of the division and pure hatred that goes on today could be stopped if we would just listen to each other without trying to get our own agenda across. Really think about what the other person is saying and at least try to take something from it. Try to understand why they feel the way they do. Ask questions, and not so that you can have a comeback, but to get more information so that you can better understand their point of view. I believe most of us here feel unheard much of the time. We can change this by simply listening with an open heart and open mind.

Acts of Kindness — Just maybe the reason so many of us are depressed and feel like we’re living lives of mediocrity is that we are living solely for ourselves and not helping others. What if every day when we awoke, we could ask, as Dr. Max Goodwin on New Amsterdam does, How can I help? This one is more challenging for me. Oh, I have the smile thing down, and I’m actually a fairly good listener, but this one convicts me. I am somewhat self absorbed with my own life, and my agenda is largely my own. I’m going to make a commitment to myself to put this one into action. Starting with my family and friends, but then to strangers as well, I will seek purpose in my life by helping others. I would like to go further and say that we each have gifts and these gifts are not to hoard up and never use. I believe we have them to share with others. So I encourage you to think about what you do well, and then seek to help others with your gifts. You, and the person you help will be much better for it.

Show Respect to Others (and Ourselves) — I attended a lunchean the other day of an organization that fights human trafficking and the point I most took away was a story. One of the speakers was a woman once caught up in the lifestyle of prostitution and speaks of the moment her life changed. She had been arrested the night before, and as she was leaving the police station to go back out on the streets, a police officer stopped her, looked her in the eyes and said, “This is not who you are - you need to find a way out. You don’t belong in this business.” She said that when you are living that life, you are labeled by society and judged and not in a good way. Before long, you believe the labels and you don’t know who you are outside of those labels. This police officer showed her respect by not judging or labeling her. He saw her for the person she was. And his looking into her eyes (she said after all these years she would still know him if she saw him because she never forgot his eyes) and saying those words gave her the courage to get out and start a new life. We are all very similar in what we want and what we need. And largely, that is simply respect. So the next time we see someone who is doing something that society labels as bad, instead of adding to the judgement, let’s try to help them heal. And beyond that, simply showing day to day respect - online and off, will make this world a whole lot brighter.

As I’ve told others before, when I write this stuff, I am speaking to myself as much as anyone else, So I don’t want to go away from here without making changes in my life to do these simple but powerful things that I truly believe will make my life and the lives of those I help so much better. I’m going to make a little poster (photo above) for my fridge that says: Smile, Listen, Act, Respect to remind me every day to do these things. If you would like a reminder to do these things, let me know and I’ll send the image above to you in digital format, or you can simply make your own.

As one candle takes us out of the dark, every candle lit after adds to the light. It is my hope, that so many of us do this that we will light up this world that seems to be largely in the dark.

Sending my best,

Connie